2020: A Quick Recap

The last wild goose chase of 2020 kept me from one customary year end evaluation post. And yet 2020 doesn't quite seem to be gone. Same old shit same old story. The same old beautiful agony that comes free with being alive. So how have your last year been? The funniest part for me was that I actually believed prolong isolation would help me from my usual tendency to dive headfirst into some or other disaster. 

I spent roughly seven months in complete isolation in 2020. And by isolation I mean there were several days I didn't step out of my apartment and didn't speak with anyone other than my mum. I don't know about others but for me it was extremely hassle-free and serene. With all my excellent social skill I actually strive in solitude. While the majority (and by majority I mean the entitled class who only had to postpone their Euro trips, not the working class lot that suffered so immensely due to the Chinese virus) was cribbing about lockdown I was writing my gratitude journal in utmost peace. I might have binge watched half of Netflix's crime shows. Criminal (the whole spectrum, not just the UK), Mindhunter, Manhunt Unabomber, The Ripper, Murder Maps, Unbelievable, Delhi Crime, Broadchurch are my recommendations.

Surprisingly enough, my daily routine was almost intact. I exercised regularly. I barely touched alcohol. Almost no junk food. When my mum saw me in October I was emanating some sort of monastic glow that scared the hell out of her. Ma, your daughter is at her best like that - when will you finally realise that? :)

Talking about monastic glow, I had gone out on date in 2020 with six guys, technically. Out of these four, two happened before lockdown. They seemed like distant memory now. Other two were straightway misogynistic and desperate. The third one was this insanely cute Jewish painter whom I really liked but that happened to fizzle out after few weeks. I am still in touch with him but more as friends. The fourth one I had had crush on since April because he would remind me of my very own 'the one that got away' but it ended with a very disappointing lockdown date at my house and he stole a fridge magnet from my collection. I didn't actually see him steal it but when it comes to solving crime I usually follow Sherlock Holmes's simple rule of thumb. However improbable blah blah blah. Not to mention he was actually nothing like the person I had imagined. Just a below average (from height to pretty much everything else) dumb ugly guy with stale bread with clusters of fungus on like personality. I miss my cute magnet. There was a seventh one but it was way too complicated to be called a date. It's very difficult to be around someone who is always in some sort of dilemma. The eighth person wasn't a date but more of a happy accident and till date probably the most normal one, although it hasn't gone beyond the friendly banter phase yet. In case I haven't emphasised this enough, dating is bloody difficult.

Grief was a recurring theme in 2020. SSR, Irrfan Khan, Chadwick Boseman, Soumitra Chattopadhyay...list will go on. The sheer shock and sadness Sushant's demise brought about will probably never go away. What a massive failure of judiciary system it has been. I still cannot accept that he committed suicide. Murder is the possibility that is much easier to make peace with perhaps. But in a corrupted system like India, political agendas are more pivotal than justice. I shall miss him. People like him aren't supposed to die such sad, unfair, untimely death.

Taking care of my two foster babies was undoubtedly the best thing about 2020 for me. What a hectic yet rewarding month it was. And the two baby indies will remain the best two living beings I met in 2020. And definitely better than all the guys I dated collectively. Dog shit over boyfriend bullshit.

Lessons I have learned, epiphanies I have had in 2020:

Life always turns out. If you love life enough, if you somehow manage to embrace the unpredictability part, it will show you the way. Rest you will have to figure out on your own.

You cannot want and run from something at the same time. And when you do want something then fight for it. 'What if' is a really shitty phrase. 

Dogs are better than people. Any day. Hands down. Period.

Memes are life. Memes are yardstick of my love for someone. If I bombard you with them, be flattered bitch. If I stop sending them, tsst tsst you are already dead to me. I am just waiting to officially cut the cord.

The Gita is not just a scripture. It's not religion. It's not a doctrine. It's not some callous prophet's guide to violence and apathy. It's the best therapy out there. Once again I feel lucky to be born a Hindu.

Solitude is addictive. Once you are used to of being on your own without feeling secretly resentful about it you become practically invincible.

Closure is a myth. You either stop caring about it and move on or you simply learn to live with it.

Habit can be built and it can be broken as well. Don't ever put forever tag on a habit.

Pick your company very very carefully. You become what you choose to surround yourself with. Especially if you’re an HSP/empath like me.

Compassion has a ripple effect. Not just for others, but for your own soul too. Even in the darkest of times always choose compassion over anything else. Trust me.

Love people with abundance, without ulterior motives. Be there for them. But make sure to draw that line in the sand. Don't let people take you for granted. Love isn't a chore or painful sacrifice. Be brave enough to leave when someone becomes a hindrance to your self-love. We all have our traumas but what makes you a good person whether you can transcend your traumatic pettiness and take that chance with others.

(All are my very own personal opinions based on my perception, not trying to 'school' anyone.)

Wish you all a great year ahead. :)




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