While half the world was busy shedding their pathetic drool
over the fuckall royal wedding I went to watch Deadpool 2. (The dumb fuck who said men seek their mother in their spouses
is looking for today’s royal groom with a giant gun in hand and his big foot in
his even bigger mouth.) I am still kinda reeling from Infinity War and all the
subsequent theories flying about in the internet world for geeks so I did not
have much expectation from DP 2. Not to mention my spirit was already half
killed by the fear that they would censor all the bad words. And Deadpool is
nothing without his filthy mouth. But hey, good news. They have only silenced
motherfucker. This too I did not understand though. I mean motherfucker is such
a pure word; so much raw emotion. Why would you silence that? Our Indian men
are already enough incestuous towards their mama to make even GRRM blush. Anyway.
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If you think about it, I am just like Wade Wilson. Smart,
sarcastic, shamelessly and graciously filthy, and in a lot of pain all the
time. (Not to mention, hot.) I don’t give two fucks about rules, but have
enough balls (or vagina) to do the right thing. Even if I end up coughing up
blood in the process. So I am not gonna give out spoilers. I am not gonna say
who dies, who lives. I am still not over Infinity War. But as expected, the
movie was damn funny like the first one. Lots of cross reference to Marvel, DC
and many more pop culture stuff. I think Ryan Reynolds feels about his Green
Lantern venture just like we feel about our past relationships. We look at them
and wonder WHY. Reynolds is still not over his green animated suit fiasco, so
he takes a dig at it wherever he can. Just like I spit at my past mistakes
whenever I get a chance. Ah, you see what I did there?
This movie also has three kickass, badass female
superheroes. Thank god for that. I think I am one female superhero away from
turning into a lesbian. I loved the character Domino. I mean whoever created
that character was a philosopher in a geek’s body. Who would have thought that
luck could be a superpower? And yet, it is the only superpower we are constantly
begging for. I love Karan Soni. I love Dopinder. He speaks what I crave for. He
wants to fill his soul by becoming a contract killer. He has the voice of a
virgin angel with a twisted, slightly psychopathic mind. He is like a two-in-one
ice-cream; with nuts on top, or below. I want that “Courage, motherfucker!”
line on a tshirt. I love how Hugh Jackman keeps popping up every now and then. Those
two are like soulmates. And I am still not over Logan’s death. Fuck man, bring
him back. Oh and I wonder how much Brad Pitt has charged for his role.
Two words. Josh Brolin. And my uterus was doing dubstep
during the whole movie. No wonder Marvel made him look so fucking ugly. He would
have stolen the show otherwise. The last time I had been in a near passing out
state was during that helicopter stopping scene in Captain America: Civil War. Yes
Thor’s scene was great in IW but I never look at Thor with lust. I don’t know
why. But I tell you, Josh Brolin is total daddy material. In a Fifty shades
having sex with Terminator kind of way. I wasn’t even aware of Ryan Reynolds’
presence after a while. Cable got me hooked. You know what? I have kind of
forgiven Thanos for fucking half the Avengers and making a mess on planet
Earth. I’m sure Cable will make up for it.
p.s. If everything turned out as planned then Josh Brolin
would have been Phoebe Buffay’s stepson. I can’t stop thinking about that you
know. Oh, and I waited till the second post-credit scene and left the theatre feeling like a total idiot. Damn you, Marvel.
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