v
I didn’t read a single book during the first
quarter of 2017. Now I am in a race against time to make up for the loss. Happiness
makes one unproductive at times. It does to me at least. It takes some turmoil,
some pain in order to bring out the best in me. So I am on a reading marathon now. I am keeping my head immersed in the
mystical world of written words during my lazy afternoons, my tired evenings,
and those long, silent, sleepless nights. That’s probably the best way to keep
the cacophony of the throbbing silence away that is pecking at the inner walls
of my brain all the fucking time. I had an initial target of three books per month. Now I
am on the twelfth book of this year.
v
Yesterday I went to attend a family function
with my mother. I would usually fake my death rather than getting stuck in a place
surrounded by relatives. But this was a memorial ceremony so even my most clever
excuses would have sounded insensitive. So I went. It wasn’t so bad though. Even
though I realised that I was still as socially awkward as before no matter how
many years had gone by. Every single muscle inside my mouth would apparently
stop working and I would become temporarily speech impaired. Then I would open
my mouth trying to say something clever and what had sounded appropriate in my head
about five seconds ago would come out as horribly stupid and then I would want
to bitch slap my own face. Everything else was as expected. I was asked upon
several times about my marriage plans (I even found myself once to be sitting quietly
between my cousin and her husband while they were debating whether I should get
married or not) and my poor health (apparently being fat is a sign of health). And
amidst all this I was unusually calm. I wonder if I have become immune or I have
grown a sense of inner security which kept me calm all throughout even when my
cousins and aunts were warning me against my impending spinsterhood. To be
honest, looking at my married cousins running after their kids (who were
raising hell by the way) I thanked the universe for not letting me follow their
suit into an early marriage and then, well, motherhood. Let me be happily unmarried and childless as long as I can. But what surprised me the most was that I did not have a bad time exactly. It felt rather good to have spent some time with the extended family after so long. Am I turning sentimental with age? Oh god.
v
Being stalked makes me furious. Or getting unsolicited attention from someone whom I don't give damn about. Especially when
it is someone you work with in the same office. I feel like dragging the said
person by hair and punching in the face until it becomes unrecognisable. Fuck you
man, find a girl of your own community.
v
Another baba got convicted for not being able to keep his thing in his pants. I am not surprised even a bit. The moment someone claims to have
possessed some superior spiritual wisdom it invokes suspicion in me. I do not
trust a single person who claims to be any kind of guru. Who sanctioned your guruhood man? And if you indeed have found
the greater Truth then why waste time making money with it? Apparently every single
smug son of a bitch with a jungle of beard and a turban is an expert at guiding
man to salvation while sitting on a heap of money and doing god knows what
behind the door of their high profile ashrams. Salvation or not, they
definitely do provide the rich the most reliable path to tax evasion. Fuck the
gurus. Awakening comes from within.
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