Random Musings Series/ 2

v  I didn’t read a single book during the first quarter of 2017. Now I am in a race against time to make up for the loss. Happiness makes one unproductive at times. It does to me at least. It takes some turmoil, some pain in order to bring out the best in me. So I am on a reading marathon now. I am keeping my head immersed in the mystical world of written words during my lazy afternoons, my tired evenings, and those long, silent, sleepless nights. That’s probably the best way to keep the cacophony of the throbbing silence away that is pecking at the inner walls of my brain all the fucking time. I had an initial target of three books per month. Now I am on the twelfth book of this year.

v  Yesterday I went to attend a family function with my mother. I would usually fake my death rather than getting stuck in a place surrounded by relatives. But this was a memorial ceremony so even my most clever excuses would have sounded insensitive. So I went. It wasn’t so bad though. Even though I realised that I was still as socially awkward as before no matter how many years had gone by. Every single muscle inside my mouth would apparently stop working and I would become temporarily speech impaired. Then I would open my mouth trying to say something clever and what had sounded appropriate in my head about five seconds ago would come out as horribly stupid and then I would want to bitch slap my own face. Everything else was as expected. I was asked upon several times about my marriage plans (I even found myself once to be sitting quietly between my cousin and her husband while they were debating whether I should get married or not) and my poor health (apparently being fat is a sign of health). And amidst all this I was unusually calm. I wonder if I have become immune or I have grown a sense of inner security which kept me calm all throughout even when my cousins and aunts were warning me against my impending spinsterhood. To be honest, looking at my married cousins running after their kids (who were raising hell by the way) I thanked the universe for not letting me follow their suit into an early marriage and then, well, motherhood. Let me be happily unmarried and childless as long as I can. But what surprised me the most was that I did not have a bad time exactly. It felt rather good to have spent some time with the extended family after so long. Am I turning sentimental with age? Oh god.

v  Being stalked makes me furious. Or getting unsolicited attention from someone whom I don't give damn about. Especially when it is someone you work with in the same office. I feel like dragging the said person by hair and punching in the face until it becomes unrecognisable. Fuck you man, find a girl of your own community.

v  Another baba got convicted for not being able to keep his thing in his pants. I am not surprised even a bit. The moment someone claims to have possessed some superior spiritual wisdom it invokes suspicion in me. I do not trust a single person who claims to be any kind of guru. Who sanctioned your guruhood man? And if you indeed have found the greater Truth then why waste time making money with it? Apparently every single smug son of a bitch with a jungle of beard and a turban is an expert at guiding man to salvation while sitting on a heap of money and doing god knows what behind the door of their high profile ashrams. Salvation or not, they definitely do provide the rich the most reliable path to tax evasion. Fuck the gurus. Awakening comes from within.