Evaluation 2016.0

you were heavy,
and i needed you to be.
i needed you to weigh me
into the ground so hard
that i was forced to learn the lesson
of what it really means
to let go of something."
-- Danielle Doby

Marginal utility of each passing year increases at galloping motion with age. It seems like only last month I was evaluating 2015 and trying to jot down my resolutions for 2016. Then time suddenly took the fast forward mode and before I know it I’m again half lying in front of my laptop in my shabby pyjamas and my favourite pink Turkish socks and trying hard not to lose hope one more time. And yet, it turned out to be much easier than I had thought.

2016 has been the most eventful year of my life in the past decade. And the edgiest. In fact it was dangerously hanging over the precipice. One inch of slip and I would be sitting here labelling it as the year of disaster (nobody would be surprised by that though). Well, did you ever see a sine graph? A sine function wiggles from positive to negative quadrant leaving the trace like a slithering snake. 2016 for me was just like that. It opened with a great start, and then went downhill around the end of first quarter. Then it picked up at a tumultuous speed around May and reached its peak around September end, and then by the very logic of mathematics it began to head south and by mid November I was at the bottom of the pit trying to get a grasp on what the fuck had just happened. And my year could have ended like that, me sitting at the bottom of the pit. But surprisingly, it didn’t.

2016 has been the year of revelation for me. The year of liberation. Liberation from codependency. Liberation from the vicious cycle of old patterns and fears. I definitely did not find my soulmate but I did get to finish a few karmic cycles. 2016 has taught me firsthand that no loss is a loss if one changes the perspective a little bit. And sometimes it’s not even a loss. Just a temporary adjournment until the time is ripe. Hence lamenting is a sheer waste of time. 2016 also vindicated an old conviction of mine that I had so stubbornly been holding onto.

I made and lost some friends this year. Honestly none of the human ones I give a single damn about. I am a terrible friend and I don't want to change that. But I lost six of my babies this year. I hope they are at a better place now. Travel wise it has been a good year. Two big ones (Bhutan and Sikkim) and a small one (Mandarmoni). Not to mention the amazing day trips around the city. 2016 has also been the year the Avengers got torn apart and Doctor Strange joined the gang. Another great thing is that I have been more active on my blog this year. 144 posts in 2016 as opposed to 93 last year. I deserve a pat in the back for that. Overall I do not have any complaint about 2016. To begin with, one shouldn't put the blame on the year for their own stupidity. And instead of whining about it, mistakes are to be looked at as the stepping stones to great things. I had a good year and I am immensely grateful to the universe for where I am right now.

To be precise, 2016 gave and then snatched many things from me. And yet, as the year is coming to an end I am feeling unusually exhilarated with the anticipation of new possibilities. I have succeeded at keeping some of my resolutions for 2016.  I couldn’t keep the one about less procrastinating or the one about prudent shopping or the one about not attracting trouble. Who was I kidding anyway? That’s why I am not making any big resolutions for 2017. No point making tall claims and then fail miserably. More on that later. But honestly I have not the slightest clue about what’s going to happen in 2017 and nor do I have any big plans. But I can smell it when the possibility of big adventure is in the air. It is unmistakable. And for now, that smell is enough for me to start my journey into 2017 with double gusto.

Happy new year everyone. May you all find what you are looking for.