The Fantastic Four

The reason why I am writing a blog post about a movie two weeks past its release is because I wanted to blast it badly. Yes, that's the honest confession. I had started hating the concept of this movie even before it was released. I hated its 'contemporary' concept. I hated its stupid cast. I hated the director's risky game to play and experiment with a pop culture classic with such outright impertinence.

In this movie all four characters are very young, but exceptionally talented. Reed Richards is a genius school kid who gets picked by Dr. Franklin Storm. He happens to be the father of Sue Storm and Johnny Storm. Victor Von Doom who is known as the nemesis of The Fantastic Four is also a part of Dr. Storm's 'Building a spacecraft to the other dimension by a bunch of school kids' project. He also has a crush on Susan Storm. Ben Grimm is Reed's best friend from school. Johnny Storm is Sue's younger brother who joins the project after his father threatened him to take his car away. Together they build the teleporter and set out on a secret expedition to the unknown planet on the other dimension. The mission goes horribly wrong and they lose Victor. They have to leave him behind and come back to earth. But during the return takeoff they all get exposed to some kind of green lava like substance from the planet. The exposure takes an immediate effect and soon they find themselves under weird physical conditions. They all end up quarantined in a classified location by the US government. Somehow, Reed escapes. And their lives take a different turn until the climax happens.

I am not going to pretend that I am a big Marvel Comics nerd or something. My knowledge is based solely upon the movies only. As far as I know originally The Fantastic Four got their superpower by having exposed to a storm of cosmic rays during an experimental outer space expedition. All the team members were responsible adult scientists. Here they are just a group of dysfunctional teenagers who want to be famous.

Reed Richards/ Miles Teller:
Who the hell is he? He looks like a retarded little boy playing with a bunch of complex machinery that he is not supposed to touch. In the original story he is a genius scientist. Here, he is a smug kid with nerdy glasses talking like a moron all the time.

Sue Storm/ Kate Mara:
Seriously? You got no other woman to play such a cool character for your 'supercool, contemporary' movie, Mr. Trank? I had seen her in a a very insignificant role in some Mark Wahlberg action flick. No she wasn't even his heroine technically. Here, she looks like she is always going through PMS. She barely smiles. She has a small fox-like face that is always contorted with god knows what emotion.

Ben Grimm/ Jamie Bell:
Guys, he is NOT hulk. And he is NOT a dumb sidekick to Mr. Fantastic. Unfortunately, here he is both. While watching the movie, I was having this irresistible urge to punch that gum chewing dumb in the face. In the original story, Ben takes part in the expedition because he is a professional pilot. Here he tags along because he is the best friend of Reed Richards. At one point, their attitude made me feel as if they were going on a Euro trip or something.

Johnny Storm/ Michael Jordan:
Two things. Mr. Jordan had to fill the shoes of a person whose popularity he could never reach no matter how many times he bursts into flames. Second, Jordan plays an AWFUL Johnny Storm. Period. Doing a high-speed car chase in an old broken car does NOT make you flamboyant or reckless. There is nothing flamboyant about this Johnny Storm. He is just a lost kid with some minor daddy issues. He is also not in best of terms with his sister; although I could not comprehend why.

Victor Von Doom/ Toby Kebbell:
The nemesis of the Fantastic Four is not remotely scary or evil in this movie. He appears, then disappears, then reappears out of the blue again with vendetta against humanity. No one knows what exactly happened with him on 'Planet Zero'. Then he soon disappears again after a really short fight.

Dr. Storm/ Reg E. Cathey:
This character is purely an invention of Josh Trank. He is the scientist father of the Storm family. He speaks in an utterly annoying smug, patronizing manner all the time. He is basically the Jack of All Trade father figure of the group whom basically no one gives damn about. Hence they all embark on a risky mission keeping him completely in the dark. In the end he gets killed by Doom. So he is basically the pretentious loser of the story.

Dr. Allen/ Tim Nelson:
Is he a villain? Or a comic relief? I am confused.

Josh Trank's contemporary take on the classic marvel superhero story has no plot. The characters have no back story. It seems as if they have suddenly appeared out of nowhere. They look so robotic and gloomy that they fail to win the heart of the spectator. They are always depressed and constipated and whining about their accidental superpower. They reluctantly accept their fate as the protector of the humanity. But no, that does not make them remotely as cool as Batman.
What bothers me the most about this movie is that there is no tension throughout the movie. No suspense, no thrill, no nail biting edge of the seat moment. The director was in too much hurry to build a moment properly. The climax comes in so abruptly that even before the viewer fully comprehends the gravity of the situation, the villain gets kicked into oblivion. And above all, The Fantastic Four is the story of a group of friends who have superhuman abilities. I failed to see any chemistry among those four morons. This movie probably has the worst casting ever.

Moral of the story?
Playing with an old classic does not make one another Christopher Nolan. It only makes one an impertinent fool. And the box office result of the latest Fantastic Four movie only provides more evidence to it.