Abnormal

Today evening while coming back home I bumped into an old neighbour of mine. That uncle and his wife have always been my favourite. Reason you will get to know from my next sentence. Uncle was kneeling down by roadside trying to feed one of our stray dogs. I remembered just yesterday my mom was telling me that uncle had just had angioplasty. I had to halt and talk to him. In reply to my basic "How are you" he started telling me in unusually small voice how that dog had been run over by our another neighbour's car and that he was feeding him some painkiller. Had it been another time I would have freaked out and flipped out. I always hated that bastard family. I used to fight with them over those stray dogs. And the fact that they are bloody non-Bengalis from north India used to make me angrier. I don't like foreign races coming into our territory and get away with criminal act and being arrogant about it. But anyway. Today was different. I had no strength to react. I was in my contemplative mode. I just came home and didn't utter a single word further.

Coincidentally what I was thinking actually had a direct connection to the above mentioned incident. Why I hate people in general. One ex of mine once advised me to start liking people over dogs. Actually he meant his mother by people here. I don't know whether that pathetic stalker creep still lurks about my blog but I hope he does read my next line. I would choose dog shit over that woman. ANY DAY. TILL THE END OF THE ETERNITY. PERIOD.

Is it so abnormal being this mean? I know I'm mean as hell. I am mean. I am bitchy. I am cheap. I could get so angry that I can shout at my asshole neighbour and tell them that I want to spit on their face and hope they all die a violent death. I could block my boss on WhatsApp and tell him straight that I want to keep my personal life away from the clutches of the office. I can take one look at people and decide if I like them or reject them forever. I remember things and I never forgive. My love can turn into lifelong hatred but the road is one-way. Not to mention I love daydreaming about torturing and murdering people. Abnormal? Maybe. I am abnormal as per your standards I guess. Hell my own parents used to call their daughter abnormal while growing up. It never occurred to them maybe I was born in a fucked up family.

Ok so we have established that I'm abnormal. And mean. And cheap. Basically a total bitch. I won't object. But I will tell you what I am not. I never ran over a dog deliberately. I am not one of those who chuck their parents out at old age. I am someone who stays the fuck away from office politics. I am not someone who is immensely popular or has a lot of friends. And I love that. But my few friends are my blood brothers. I will probably decline if you ask me to meet for chitchat. But I will definitely go help you if you are in some trouble. I have a best friend who never misses to call me when she is upset because she knows no fucking other person will listen to her without judging. Rest of the time I hardly ever hear from her. And yet I forgive her wholeheartedly. Who else but ME will understand the sheer conflict of intimacy??? Maybe that's why we are so close. Maybe it's not the number of years or other social crap that define friendship. Maybe your real friend is the one who has seen your naked soul. Someone who knows your filthiest most embarrassing secret and still has chosen to stay. And our mutual lack of normalcy makes us friends. We bond over our untold sins.

There is a thing about people. People will try you. Test you. Question you. Suspect you. People will want to tear you into pieces when you are giving the best of your heart and soul. They will want your blood when you have no bad intention. It will break your heart. It will break your faith little more. Because this time you really wanted to do your best. Then you will go home and wake up next morning feeling little more broken than before. Maybe only a tiny, minuscule amount. Something you won't even notice. And this fucking poisonous cycle won't stop. Then someday you will bump into someone and they will look at you and ask, "Why are you so abnormal?"

Comments