Midweek Trance

The place where I currently live at is right above the railway station. I wake up with the sound of steam engine screaming at the top of its voice while throwing up a great deal of smoke. The best part is that you can actually hear the sound of smoke emitting. Pssss. Coooo. Jhik jhik jhik. I love to inhale the filthy smog. It smells like charcoal and mountain. My office is right below the station so whole day I keep hearing engine noise. I can close my eyes and picture the scene above anytime. People gathering around the trains, taking selfies. Young couples, parents with kids, solitary traveler. Every one is busy to catch those fleeting moments and keep them in their pockets. Sometimes I look at them and hide a silent chuckle. I am an outsider amidst it all. I feel nothing. I miss no one. Maybe I feel so much that I have gone numb. Like losing a limb. Now I know why it is called being emotionally crippled.

At night sometimes I go out on the balcony and stand there. The whole town looks so still that sometimes I mistake it for one giant, life-size portrait. Then a car passes by and my stupor breaks. I blink and look around. Where am I? What the hell am I doing? Is this reality or am I just stuck in some kind of parallel dimension? I feel a sudden pang but it's so hollow that it ricochets off my chest. I chuckle again. This time it's a loud one. I laugh looking at the twinkling lights over the night horizon. I laugh for a whole minute. So many people keep asking me to come over to my place. Of course all are men. I have this weird, poisonous quality of making men obsessed with me within a short period of time. Some mean well. Some, well, you know what they want. I turn them all down every single time. I have become that person who enjoys standing on the dark balcony alone rather than chasing the mirage of light with someone.

Oh how much I love life.

Comments

  1. I love your blog so much!!!! I have been reading it for a while now and thought it was high time I stopped lurking and told you how amazing your blog is. :)

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    1. Thank you so much! I too have been following you for long, even when you had this fashion blog. :)

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