Defiant

I have been a wild child my whole life. Not in a showing off on social media kind of way. Being a true rebel takes guts. And it's often quite inconvenient. Posting a dslr shot with a cigarette in hand and captioning it with Frida Kahlo quote does not make you a rebel. It only makes you pretentious. And for people who accuse me of being a venomous women hater, yes fuck yes, I loathe this opportunist clan of women.

Courage demands blood sacrifice. It's a tough battle. It will rob you of your comfort. It will leave you empty, and sometimes, disgusted with life. Don't get too attached to that mushy comfort of safety if you wanna become a stand-out person in this world of hypocrisy. Many times I have wanted to end my life. I have been thrown into pit of loneliness with no view of sky above my head. Nights were too long. They are when you are  insomniac. Alcohol would turn into poison and I would vomit molten lava on the floor of toilet when everyone was asleep. And yet, I survived. I lived through it all. And no, I no longer believe that someday life will change gear and it will plunge into that mode of happily ever after. Life is right here, right now. It consists of bad days and good days, simultaneously. You can never be forever happy. In fact, happiness is not even a uniform state. It rather comes and goes. In fucking cycle. Everything repeats itself. Don't get too attached. But live to the fullest. Live bravely. Who gives a fuck to what some fuckface thinks about you? Nobody fights your battles on your behalf. So you are answerable to nobody.

To be very honest, hard times suck. They are not at all romantic for the person who is going through the shitstorm. But when it's all over? Well, you have two choices. You can either be a bitter bitch whose heart is so full of poison that it shows on your fugly face and fat ass. (I have seen someone in the recent past who matches this description.) Or you can become a stronger, better person. I choose to be the latter. Brave people are always the loneliest. I am a huge loner because I disagree with people a lot. Once upon a time someone fell for me seeing my saintly smile. He was in for a huge shock when I stood up for myself and voiced my opinion. I might have a lovely smile; but I am not a pushover. With age I am getting tougher, my heart is getting softer, my smile is getting kinder, and my tongue is getting wittier. I look prettier by day, touchwood. I have fewer friends, but they have become more like soulmates. And I no longer give a damn about living a conventional life. I make my own rules now.

Kindness does pay off. It's part of Karma only. But don't show kindness in the hope of getting something in return. Don't show kindness as an act of pity. Don't fake it. It will only make you an asshole. Be compassionate because you owe it to yourself. We really don't get to take anything else with us to the next life. And trust me, being compassionate is the best act of bravery that you can ever do. But be a badass one. People will admire you but they will never dare mess with you.

Someone very close to me asked me a few days back if I had to choose between rare and popular, what I would choose. There's no prize for guessing the answer.

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