Scorpio Moon




So I was sitting on a bench, observing the loitering crowd around me in the dying ray of sun. You cannot say I was in a bad or sad mood. I was perhaps feeling a little lost. (BPD, eh?) Suddenly I looked up and did a double take. This old tree was literally looming over my bench. For few seconds I was little shocked. Then I looked at it more closely. That is the best part about being alone or roaming about alone. You can stop and look at a dead tree or how light is reflecting through the cluster of fogs (About last night when I was climbing up from Bhutia Busty.). No one is around to pester you with their insufferable jokes or premature, desperate proposal or call you a mental patient certified by google. Yesterday I had also stopped at a bend to appreciate how magnificent the clouds were looking just on the top of the hills of Sikkim and Kalimpong. I was just standing and staring. What exactly goes through my ‘BPD-ed’ mind during those moments? It usually transcends the boundary of reality and disappears into a foggy realm which I am yet to figure out myself. Someone else figured it out on my behalf though – mental disorder, black & white, splitting etc etc. But you see, stupid morons are usually always the first ones to arrive at conclusion. Anyway. The dead, old tree reminded me of the story of Deathly Hallows (Chuck the spiritual books and read some Harry Potter sometimes.). I was bending my neck backward to look at it and thinking how good we are at pretending the immortality of our petty existence. We think everything is going to last forever – our beauty, our pride, our issues, our quarrels, our hatred. And yet one fine day, we will look up from our petty, little life reeking of ego and hatred and we will see Him standing, in the decaying twilight. We can beg, we can cry, we can throw our venomous words at Him. He won’t budge. We won’t be granted a second chance. It will be time to go home.

Scorpio moon is in my twelfth house and I am all about death and endings today. I hope google wouldn't call this too a symptom of BPD.


p.s. My 400th post! Well, I wish it was a happy happy one. But did I not mention that sadness is my unofficial, fated middle name? Anyway. Cheers!

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