Half Balance Sheet

Seems like it was only yesterday I was jotting down my list of resolutions for 2017. Spirit was high; optimism was flowing in abundance. Although god knows why I was actually feeling so positive. Sometimes I do or feel things without having a rational explanation. Intuition? Maybe. And yet, 2016 seems so far away now. As if it was only a dream. A bad dream that ended for good but left a bad taste in my mouth. That taste too will eventually fade away with time. Gods do fuck with my mind from time to time, but they have also given me this weird superpower of wiping memories off my brain. I believe in karmic cycle. You make mistake. You pay for them. Then you start again with a clean slate. The universe will see how good you are doing this time. Time is short. Chances are limited. Live. Accumulate good karma. And most important of all, love. Fervently.

Half of 2017 is already spent irretrievably. No refund. No return. So then the question comes to my mind – did I spend my quota well so far? I was going through my resolution list for 2017 the other day and then I realized that somehow, by some inexplicable stroke of luck, I actually did not-so-bad during this 6 months spell. Well you see I am a stingy evaluator. I am always a little too hard on myself. Anyway. Coming back to keeping my promises, I did keep a few of them. Some are stupid. Some are not so stupid. I did colour my hair. I did finish the Sikkim travelogue. I did go on a trip to Himachal. Although now I am realizing that I need to go back there at least a few more times before I could claim to have explored that state. And it was a good start. I am on my fourth book of this year so I cannot say I am doing very well on being more consistent about reading promise. I don’t think I am going to become an official Buddhist though. I have realized I am also too fond of the religion that I was born with. And above all, I am a forever wanderer; I don’t need an official tag to believe in something. And the universe knows oh how zealously I believe what I believe! Not to forget I have promised myself not to try too hard. Learning how not to internalize everything is a tough business. But I am thankful that now I have got help, as if the gods were listening when I was making that resolution. And talking about help, one resolution I am never going to keep, hopefully. *keepingmyfingerscrossed* No more tattoo. And trust me; I couldn’t be happier about breaking this pledge.

I ended the previous year with a surge of high hope for unknown future. I had promised myself to listen to my intuition more. So far it has guided me well. And although July has started with a bad jolt I am still keeping my fingers crossed for the rest of the year and the years ahead. Life is but a roller-coaster ride after all. Bad times only occur so we can appreciate our chances more. Let's hope this phase too shall pass.

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