20 Confessions

v  I have phobia of escalators. And I hate it when people go all “Let me help you get rid of your phobia. Here, take my hand.” Bitch, I don’t want you to be my therapist. If you want to hang out with a fearless person then go out with Batman.

v  I am very good at reading people. Sometimes I use it to manipulate them a little bit. I know. Horrible. But amazingly fun.

v  I eat fallen foods off the floor all the time. Despite my mother’s repeated scolding.

v  At any social gathering I can be found sitting quietly (read hiding) in the furthest corner with resting bitch-face while contemplating random things like what would happen if Deadpool joined the Avengers or who should play the next Wolverine.

v  I have always wanted to elope and get married in some obscure monastery or temple far off in the mountains. If one reason is my allergy to extravaganza then another would be my social anxiety. There is no way in hell I can handle so many people’s attention on me, scrutinising me, judging me. And no one likes a bride looking at them like a serial killer.

v  Babies make me nervous like anything. I don’t know how to talk to them. Well you see, babies are just the miniature version of people only.

v  I don’t like Star Wars. Go ahead, bring out the brickbats.

v  The first time I watched Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham, I cried my fucking eyes out. If anyone ever invents a time machine, do give me a call. I want to go back in time and bitch-slap the crap out of that little shit.

v  I used to lick raw glycerine when I was a kid. Well, I used to enjoy the sweetness. Do you think that might have contributed to causing the permanent damage to my brain?

v  I have a habit of borrowing other people’s pens and pen drives and never return them. Mostly from coworkers. Sometimes from friends.

v  I have consciously fantasised about total four men in my life till date. My ISI professor AG, Ranveer Singh, Tom Hiddleston and Martin Freeman.

v  Most of the times I can recognise people from very far, but I wait till the last moment to act all surprised to see them.

v  Sometimes I get confused about the use of a particular word while chatting. So I first google to make sure I am using it correctly. No, I decline to acquiesce to a less fancy choice of synonym.

v  Whenever I see a pregnant person the first thought comes to my mind is, “Eww they had sex and now their family know.”

v  The first time I got my period I thought I was going to die of internal stomach explosion.

v  I did not know how to pronounce meme until about two months ago. So I asked my friend D to send me a voice message pronouncing the word.

v  I used to play treasure hunting by burying coins in our rooftop flower-bed.

v  I have never finished reading Alice in Wonderland and Pride and Prejudice.

v  Sometimes I watch Bhojpuri channels if I need a good laugh.

v  I could not manage to recall a twentieth confession.