Cacophony

This week has been one of the most distracting weeks for me in the past decade. I don’t remember when was the last time I interacted with so many people at the same time. And that was not just at work or in the virtual land where I have suddenly gone ‘viral’. Even at home this has been a pretty chaotic week. My brother coming into my room all the time asking for help with his study. My mother screaming her head off proving step by step what a great, shameless manifestation of mistakes my life has been so far. Although there is nothing new about the last one.

I am not a people’s person. Not at all. The proper functioning of my mind is negatively correlated with the number of people I deal with per day. So it is one of the greatest ironies of my life that I radiate a massive amount of magnetism despite my innate reluctance towards humans in general. They either end up loathing me or being crazy about me. There’s no middle path. Always. And without a fail. I don’t know why it happens like this. I know psychopaths are like that, they have this ability to hypnotise people, make them obsessed. But I am no psychopath. Nor a sociopath. As per the psychometric tests I took in the past. I was disappointed to be honest.

There is a conflicting trait about me when it comes to people. I enjoy driving them crazy, to be honest. I know how to play the charm card. I love the charming, sociable version of me. She is more fake than a Chinese product. But still I like her. She is what I will never be. She knows how to smile and blush and play the damsel in distress or the considerate, affable companion exactly by the right amount to keep them on their toes. She knows how to throw those unpredictable flash of thunder like moments that leave them blindsided. Sometimes she plays this suicidal game of letting them get too close. And that’s exactly why I get tired of them so quickly. It is a blessed curse to have this ability to see right through the pile of shit and smell the decay beneath it all.

People fuck with my head. I cannot think straight when there is so much ruckus going on around me. As a result I have been so awfully quiet the whole week. Every day I opened the blogger tab and looked at the dashboard and felt a pang of guilt. The guilt of being utterly unproductive that is called being sociable. It's time to bring back the sociopath.

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